log entries of timotheus

I have a head cold, consisting of a runny nose, headache, and cough. This makes this announcement more meaningful.

This is an important announcement to anyone who uses Alka-Seltzer. Although the fizzing sound of the tablets dissolving is quite soothing in itself, that doesn’t mean you should become lax in noticing your surroundings.

You might find yourself walking out of your lunch room at work, a glass full of happily-fizzing Alka-Seltzer in one hand, a sandwich on a plate in the other. You are half an hour overdue in taking it, so you are really looking forward to the relief Alka-Seltzer will bring you. As you walk out, you focus keeps drifting to the euphoric sounds from your glass.

You turn a corner, your gaze still captivated by the upward rushing healing bubbles that is Alka-Seltzer, instead of what could be around the corner. Suddenly, a large object looms in your peripheral vision, on a direct collision course. Conscious thought is put on the back burner as pure animal instinct kicks in. Protect this bubbling glass of magical elixir at all costs.

Your non important arm will reach up, reflexively to intercept any sort of harm that might be incoming towards this chalice of healing. The fact that the monster in your view is really a co-worker, or that the ‘non important’ arm is holding your sandwich really holds no meaning in this moment. Your sandwich will be slingshot across the hall before gracefully setting down on the carpet.

There will be confusion and shock at first. This is normal. Remember two things.

1) Your fizzing tincture of Alka-Seltzer is safe, meaning relief from your maddening symptoms will soon be at hand.

2) The three-second rule applies, so pick up your sandwich fast.