Jason

I've been trying for weeks to write this.

We were friends and at one time housemates, although we hadn't been close really since he moved away. I thought about him all the time, but too busy to send him a note or call, although that would occasionally happen.

He ended his life a couple weeks ago.

I am angry and sad and it is not diminishing. I just can't think about it. When I think of him I am forcing myself to think of a good memory with him; walks to monterey market, playing Magic, watching anime, him always being the scorekeeper and keeping things in gnumeric, his funny way of sitting and crossing his legs when on a couch or floor..

I've been reading a book on Stoicism the last couple months, and had been making a list of questions to ask my illustrious philosopher friend, to see what he thought. Now I can't.

The "what if's" just don't stop. I don't understand why. I do know I could have done more, and by more I mean anything at all.